-13-

#1
a simple wanted poster hangs on a wall. a blond man smiles out of the mug shot in what was probably an attempt to be charming and cultured. the poster itself reads--
Vash the Stampede
Presumed Age: 24
Origin: unknown
Current Address: unknown
Named Murderer of Count Revnant Vasquez.
Suspected capable of Class G type damage.
Official designation pending.
Bounty: $$60,000,000,000 Dead or Alive
Note- pacifist.

-14-15
TRIGUN #1 The $$60 Billion Man

a sprawling city of low, rude buildings with the single, enormous bulk of a downed Ship towering to the sky forms a vivid backdrop for a blond man in a long red overcoat, glimpses of a buckle-festooned bodysuit visible as the wind blows the duster open. He holds a single revolver at a self-confident angle. Thus begins the story of Our Valiant Hero…

-16-
insert plaintive "wooeewooeewoooooo" whistle and the chink of rowel spurs as four desperados appear---

-17-
and stalk down the street, watched by mangy rack-'o-bones mongrels. they pass a weathered sign:
Today's Injury Cases- 603
Today's Murder Cases- 72
and a bar window that's cracking---
Poor Sap- UWAAAAAA~~~~~
er, cracked, and broke, thanks to the flying body of some poor sap who's day just got kinda bad.

-18-
Poor Sap- AAAAAAUUUGH Ohgod… Ohgod… Hel… Help… Help me… doc… get a… doctor..
the desperados step over him, utterly unmoved.
Mildly Concerned Guy 1- Oo~~i, you okay?
Mildly Concerned Guy 2- There's a whole buncha shrapnel stuck in his guts. This guy don't need no doctor, he needs a priest.

-19-
elsewhere, a more peaceful scene full of normal happenings-- a waitress going about her work, music playing, a child whining to his mom.
Kid- Mom, buy me a gun.
Mom- Then what exactly is it you're holding in your hand?
Kid- But it's different! A for real airgun is so much cooler.

-20-
a waitress brings a tray heaping with food to a very happy young, blond man in a red coat, who promptly digs in. the boy continues to whine.
Kid- I promise I'll clean out the henhouse every day. Please, can I?

-21-
the mother fusses. the man eats. the waitress bustles, turning to greet the man who just opened the door.
Waitress- Welco-
the long-haired Desperado greets her with a drawn shotgun…

-22-23-
…which he immediately discharges at the table where the young, blond man sat, blowing a nice, huge chunk out of it. he missed. quickly reloading, he fires again, and again misses the blond man, who just manages to dive clear. an old man cowers behind his table.

-24-25-
Passersby Outside- UWAAAAA~~~
the rest of the Desperados join in, firing indiscriminately and just basically trashing the joint. finally they hold up, and the smoke clears.

-26-
Kid- WAAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAH
the young, blond man is lying sprawled face down, a suspicious puddle around his head and chest.
Bald Desperado- Did we do it?

-27-
Scarred Desperado- heeehehehehehehehe
Bald Desperado- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! We did it!! $$60 Billion!!
Young Desperado- Our names will be famous across this whole star now, right?
Bald Desperado- No shit! "The Humanoid Typhoon falls in the backwaters of Voldaul!" It'll be all over this week's satellite!

-28-
Bald Desperado- What's up, Magnus?
Long Haired Desperado (Magnus)- ……
Bald Desperado- Ain't ya being over careful? See all that blood? Even if he was still breathing, he ain't goin' nowhere.
deciding to err on the side of caution, Magnus wanders up to the "corpse" and prods at it anyway. it probably would have been safer for him had he not, since Our Sneaky Hero's right finger is now poked into the gun's barrel.
Scarred Desperado- Oi, oi. Miss, don't look so down. The damages? We'll rebuild this whole place, if ya want.

-29-
Voice- Really?
Bald Desperado:- Of course. We're $$60 billionaires now, after all.
Baldy swallows whatever it was he intended to say next as he turns and finds the supposedly-dead guy who "ain't goin' nowhere" standing with arm slung companionably around a petrified Magnus.
Vash- That's just peachy! I was very worried about it.

-30-
Bald Desperado- …… You stink of tomatoes.
Vash- //holding up a bottle of Heinz ketchup// The second I fell, I was wearing this thing on my head. …… Would you be nice enough to pay my cleaning bill too?
Bald Desperado- Nah. I've decided on something else. YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH A ONE-WAY TICKET TO HEAVEN!!!!

-31-
shots are fired. the waitress hides behind her tray. mother and child stare in shock. Vash has a gun aimed, and a "yeah whatever, punk" look on his face.

-32-
…and the desperados have a whole lot of suction cup darts all over their faces-- at least one of which on each is dead-center of their foreheads.
Vash- Rash. Waaaay to rash. ::SIGH:: Hey, let's not jump to conclusions, 'kay? What say we talk this out?
Scarred Desperado- Just what the hell are you?
Vash- ahaha… do I gotta? I always get so embarrassed when I have to introduce myself.

-33-
Vash- If I must though, I'd daresay I'm a peaceful hunter. One who chases the elusive mayfly of love… or somesuch.
Desperados- …… //jaws dropping to the floor//
Bald Desperado- HE'S TOYING WITH US??!   ::"or somesuch"..? What the f&%#?!::
Young Desperado- Quit it, stupid!
::Bald Desperado- I'll kill 'im…::
Young Desperado- Do you like living? He could have killed us a minute ago! This time he might do it for real!
Vash- Alright, alright! If ya wanna shoot, go ahead and shoot!
Young Desperado- UWAAA~~ Don't provoke him!

-34-
**click** goes Baldy's gun…
Bald Desperado- ?!
Vash- Nothing doing, pal. You know why? Except for him, //points at a distraught Magnus// you're all out of ammo!
Bald Desperado- ……

-35-
Bald Desperado- How'd you know that?
Vash- I counted.
all four desperados live to walk off into the sunset… though they're in nothing but their boxers. everything else of theirs, including their clothes, weapons, and dignity lie in a pile before Our Bemused Hero.
Vash- …… They didn't have to strip everything. Here you go, kiddo. It was a big help. //hands back dartgun//
Kid- …… //speechless from joy//
Old Man- You have quite the impressive arm, sonny. Have you lived long that way? Never shooting.

-36-
Vash- Yup, yup. For the price of one measly bullet I can eat four pieces of pizza toast! Well, that may be a bit of a joke, but whoever it may be, people don't like pain, right? So I decided it was better not to have any casualties.
Old Man- You are an unusual one. I wonder if you really can be called a 'gunman' then?
Vash- WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Waitress- Sorry.
Vash- ?

-37-
and now for something completely different.
in the lower west side of the middle of nowhere, a little cluster of buildings surrounds what looks like a giant lightbulb…
Voice- So that's it. A plant got thrown from the Ships and landed here. It's a wonder it's still alive. This place will do perfectly. Let's stop in.

-38-
two women walk into a bar. a very sleazy bar. one full of guys you really don't want to take home to meet Mama. and no, this is not a joke. one is tall with light hair to her shoulderblades, shrouded in a large overcoat. The other is petite with short black hair and dressed in white. enter Millie and Meryl.
Bartender- What'll you have?

-39-
Meryl- I'd like a banana sundae.
Millie- A mille fuille cake with seilon tea as a set please.
Everyone- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Scuzzy dude- Hey ladies. That sort of gag is supposed to have "with milk" on the end of it, right?
Frazzly dude- Yeah, then I say my warm, stiff thing'll… ::kinda like that:: //pointing at Scuzzy's cigarette, which is tilting upwards// and what gets mixed together will really hit that dry spot in your throats, don'cha think?
Both- gehyahyahyahyahyahyahyahyahyahya~~~~

-40-
Millie- Aaaaaah, I can't take it!
Meryl- Millie, let it go.
Millie- But sempaa~~~i --WAAH!
what looks to be a portable gattling gun slips out from Millie's overcoat, landing on the floor with a huge thud, but not before knocking a table into the face of a not-so-innocent bystander.
Millie- I'm so sorry!
Scuzzy dude- //thinking// wh-wh-wh-wh-what kinda gun is *that*?
Frazzly dude- //thinking// wh-wh-wh-wh-what got messed up here? They knew we were just joking, right?

-41-
Millie- hup.
like lifting a revolver, Millie hefts her huge gun and deftly flips it muzzle(s) down and slips the strap over her shoulder. Scuzzy and Frazzle take a moment to scrape their jaws off the floor, lest flies gather.
Millie- Would you two please stop saying such vulgar things around delicate girls?
Both- //thinking// I sure as hell ain't gonna say it, but she's a gorilla-woman!
Meryl- By the by, sir, Voldaul is still quite a ways off, correct?
Bartender- Go about 10 iles to the east, and you'll be able to see the Ship. But listen--

-42-
Bartender- Ain't there talk about that Humanoid whatchacallit being there? ::are icecream, pancakes and coffee okay?::
Meryl- Yes, that's right. We have some business with him.
Bartender- That's a BAD idea. It's best you two stay clear of there, hear? Something big is going down right now. And I mean at this moment.
ever one for doing things her own way, Meryl strides out the door.
Millie- Sempaa~~~~~ii! We went to all that trouble to place an order--

-43-
Meryl- We have to hurry, Millie.
Millie- Yes'm!
Bartender- They're after the $$60 billion too? I thought it was weird that they hadn't mentioned anything about it.
back with Our Intrepid Hero, who isn't feeling too intrepid at the moment….
Vash- U~~~~uuhmmm…

-44-
in a somewhat disturbing sight, Vash finds himself on the wrong end of a mob, some of whom are actually toting pitchforks.
Waitress- We talked it over and came to a decision at the Town Meeting. Half goes to the city's finances, and the other half gets divided amongst everyone. I'm very sorry about this, Mr. Vash.
::Vash- excuse me?::

back out in the Middle of Nowhere, somebody forgot their compass…
::Millie- Sempa~~i, why don't we just go back and ask? Please?::
::Meryl- The Baby Sun is over there, so east is that way. … I think.::

hm. this looks like a good place to say "tsudzuku" (to be continued...)

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