-78-
Gramps- What, did you think you wouldn't be hit by the Nebraska's "Bullet
Punch" if you snuck around inside buildings? Felt Death's fingers snatch
at you, eh? Vash the Stampede!
-79-
still rather less than impressed, Vash sets the waitress down on a fairly
flat piece of rubble...
Bystander 1- Jesus.... those Nebraskas are damn full of themselves.
Bystander 2- Now there's someone who deserves to get nailed.
Gramps- ............!?
Vash has picked up a large metal beam and is glaring, but instead of somehow
attacking, he plies it to the collapsed building.
Gramps- ............ -.-;
-80-
ignoring the Nebraskas, he levers aside chunks of wall to reveal the mother....
Audience- .............
ignoring them too, he keeps working... Gramps lights up a cigar, content for
the moment to wait.
-81-
shortly, all four women are uncovered.
Gramps- You done now?
Enraged Bystander- Mary! Rosa!
Bystander with Sense- Wait!.... It looks like they're still breathing.
Vash- ............
still unruffled, Vash starts walking---
-82-
--- away from the wreckage and the injured women.
Audience- What's he......? !! He's trying to keep the women from getting caught
up in it?!
this doesn't please Gramps...
Gramps- NOW!!
KABOOM! and the first shot is fired…
-83-
Vash sees the Flying Fist 'o Death coming and dodges, barely. loads of debris
flies up and pummels him from behind, but none of it gets close to the women.
Vash used himself as a shield so that nothing would splash over onto them.
-84-
and he's paying for it too. he is certainly not uninjured.
Gramps- So you really won't let anyone die, even to the very end, huh? You turn
my stomach. That 'philosophy' of yours is nothing but hypocrisy. The time will
come when, somewhere, some guy causes you nothing but trouble, and you'll rub
him out! How do I know? 'Cuz your turn to be erased hasn't come up yet!
-85-
Gramps- But nevermind that. It's about to be a moot point. I'm sending you to
the most ignominious death possible, little boy!
Audience- ............ Why doesn't he say anything? After being insulted like
that...
-86-
apparently, Our Composed Hero subscribes to the theory that actions speak
louder than words. out come a pair of round, Lennin-ish glasses, and back goes
the red duster, revealing one holstered .45 colt longshot---
Anxious Kid- Is he gonna draw?
Skeptic- It's pointless, even if he does. No matter what the caliber on that
pistol, it's gonna be smaller than a BB gun compared to that monster fist. However
much you up the gunpowder packed into each shell, there's no way it'd stop something
that's coming at you like a car at 200 km/h. And the Nebraska's "weapon"
is how many times faster than that?
-87-
Skeptic- His whole field of vision will fill up with nothing but that fist and
the next second, he'll be nothing but a smear!
Local Head Cheese- Moron! Haven't I already said that this whole effort is worthless
if he ends up a pile of red goo?! We won't get the bounty!
Skeptic- Yeah, we heard you alright. So why don't you go out there and stop
'em both, hm?
Local Head Cheese- And just what the hell is that supposed to mean? You trying
to get me killed?
the argument notwithstanding, the field has been set, the participants ready
to go in 3 -- 2 -- 1--
-88-
SHOWTIME. Vash draws and Gofsef aims---
-89-
--- one... two shots are fired before the fist is truly launched---
-90-
--- a third and a fourth bullet fly, all of them within inches of each other---
-91-
all three combatants hold their breath, as the first bullet hits---
-92-
--- and mushrooms inside the knukle joint of the middle finger. the remaining
three hit in rapid succession, and the fist veers ever so slightly---
-93-
then lands in a huge explosion.
-94-
Audience- He did it! He stopped it!
Gofsef- ........ !?
Gramps- ............ What the....?! Reel it back, Gofsef! Ready the next shot
quick!!
-95-
doing what looks to be a very uncomfortable split with way too much ease,
Gofsef's huge fist lying on the ground behind him, Vash still has his gun aimed
right on target and is totally unharmed.
Audience- Unbelievable! Standing in the fist's exact trajectory, he still
made it miss?!
Vash- ............ Jackpot!
-96-
Vash knows something everyone else doesn't... and it shows up as soon as
Gofsef starts reeling in his Fist 'o Death. Something short-circuits and Gofsef
roars in pain, reaching across with his good arm to clutch at the damaged one.
Gramps, who has been riding in a holster-like thingy across the front of his
"son's" chest, gets thoroughly squished in the process.
Gofsef- ..GAK!
-97-
and the goliath falls, defeated by a "David" who stands in the
exact spot from which he started, hands shoved in pockets, surveying his handywork
with a gaze cool as a spring breeze.
-98-
the crowd stands agog at what they just saw, the Clued-In Subordinate manages
to put to words what surely must be running through the minds of all who'd spent
the last several hours hunting Vash and thinking they were dealing with the
real Vash the Stampede....
Clued-In Subordinate- They... they lost. The Nebraska Family was... .........
All of a sudden it was very clear to me... just why that man is called "The
Humanoid Typhoon".
-99-
from the top of a convenient bell-tower, on comes a megaphone and---
Meryl- HOLD IT!! STOP THE FIGHT!!!
considering things were dead quiet on the 'battlefield' already, Meryl and Millie
get the attention of a very non-plussed crowd and a curious Vash quite quickly,
and they don't seem to know exactly what to do with it...
Meryl & Millie- ............
Audience- Yes?
-100-
Millie- SEMPAI, IT LOOKS LIKE THINGS HAVE SOMEHOW BEEN SETTLED DOWN THERE ALREADY.
Meryl- NO WAY! AFTER ALL THAT TROUBLE WE WENT TO CLIMBING UP HERE?
Everyone- .....-.-;
......time passes, clouds float by......
Audience- What was that? Explain it again, Sweets.
-101-
Meryl- I said, as of yesterday, the Federal Government declared that Vash the
Stamped is officially designated a Localized Disaster. ::'cuz
you can't really put him in the same category as regular humans, y'know::
::voice- Oi, whassup with the megaphone?::
Meryl- To put it simply, the $$60 billion bounty, the thing that started today's
whole hoopla, was at that point in time rendered INVALID. It's the same as trying
to put bounties on things like earthquakes and typhoons-- you just can't.
Vash- ………… no way!
-102-
Vash- WAH-HOOOOOOOO~~~~~~~~~~!!
Local Head Cheese- You should have said so sooner!
Clued-In Subordinate- Even if we were too late, everything had been going so
well!
uhm, actually, you were failing miserably. oh, and Meryl looks about ready
to show you two just how good at hand-to-hand she is since you're still going
on about the bounty…
Millie- I really, really know how you feel, Sempai, but you've gotta keep it
under control here!
Vash- I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE AGAIN!!!!
Meryl- Could you come here a second? I know you are overjoyed at the moment,
but there is still a large problem. Despite the lack of a bounty, your dangerousness
and predilection for attracting trouble has not changed. …… Bernardelli
Insurance Society's Meryl Strife.
Millie- Hi! I'm Millie Thompson!
Meryl- We are profoundly grateful to be able to make your acquaintance.
-103-
Meryl- Since we will be with you from now on-- in accordance with our mission
to have you under 24 hour surveillance for the purposes of risk-avoidance--
Vash- eh? ::? ? huh?::
Meryl- It's our pleasure!
Vash- Wait a sec here! Just what the hell are you two talking abou-
Gramps- URRRAAAAAAGH!!! It ain't over yet! SEE!
yeesh… no wonder the guy was riding in a giant "holster".
from belt downwards he's one huge handgun. his hands and arms extended, robot-like,
to hoist the barrel off the ground and aim, while two little nubbins from his
flanks hold the trigger.
Gramps- You won't get away with this…. How dare you do that to my precious
son?! YOU'LL PAY DEA-
-104-
Gramps- ..umph!
age seems to have made Gramps a little slow. before he can properly finish his
death-threats, he's hit by one giant, metal 'X' across his face and shoulders
(owie!). two bullets have also taken off the trigger, and his right "arm"
at the wrist. the force of the three impacts sends him skittering backwards
several dozen feet into a conveniently placed cactus. Vash's eyes have grown
to saucer-size, since the ones with the smoking barrels are Meryl and Millie.
Our Nervous Hero was apparently a little slow on the draw this time as well…
Meryl- As we were saying-we look forward to a very pleasant relationship
with you.
Vash- ……yes'm?
introductions out of the way, now it's time for the adventures to begin…..