TRI GUN Pilot Episode

-182-
The one-shot tacked here onto the end of this volume came about long before Trigun became an honest-to-goodness monthly serial. Shonen Captain was setting up it's 10th Anniversary issue, and my editors said "Wahoo! Let's crank out something for it! Nightow, draw!" So draw I did, setting to with almost fanatic fervor, spiced with generous amounts of 'hell, why not?'. The end result was this stand-alone story about a legendary gunman.

There's this proverb-- "The smart falcon flies not in its master's shadow"-- that's got absolutely nothing to do with anything. But anyway, the idea behind this story is the thought that it might be pretty cool to write about this really awesome gunslinger whose also a wishy-washy pacifist.

So while having the enthusiasm to start writing a story is one thing, 2 years of doing nada later I realized it'd sorta become something of a third or a fourth thing. ^.^

Though this story was written with various intentions that could be labeled 'greedy', there are still lots of points in it that I can't forget about even now. That what makes this clunky and awkward piece of work the origin of today's Trigun.

Oh, this Vash has a slightly different philosophy on life than the Vash we all know. I wonder what you'll think of him?

Yasuhiro Nightow 1996

-183-

We fell from the sky like little drops of rain. Landing on this desert star and burned by the day-time sun, who knows when we will dry up. Even if we are sheltered underneath a huge umbrella, tomorrow is still unknown. Blown by the desert wind everyone will, one day, fall and be sucked into the sand.

-184-
Radio- Early this morning, the Federal Government announced the beginnings of an investigation aimed at labeling outlaw Vash the Stampede a "localized disaster".

a man in a long red coat with spiked blonde hair and round sunglasses stands on a cliff, looking out across a wide field of crude crosses that stretch as far as the eye can see.

-185-
elsewhere…
in a dusty nowhere town, the wind lazily turns a little wind mill.  a handful of people stand in front of an eerily quiet saloon, all of them looking various degrees of angry or worried.
Sheriff- There are three things in this world that I can't stand.  One: putting ice in booze.  Two: patterns that look anything like scorpions.  And three: Bastards who don't know the value of tranquility.  Disturb the peace in my jurisdiction?  Like hell they're going to get away with it!!
Deputy- Sheriff, I've put together all the witnesses' statements.  Five people didn't get out in time.  Everyone says that among those five is a poker-loving young lady, Count Bosstalk.
an uptight-looking, well-dressed, mustached man standing near the Deputy looks a little grimmer after hearing that. but then again, Count Bosstalk was never renowned for his light-heartedness.

-186-
Deputy- The criminals demand an escape wagon and $$40,000 in unmarked bills.
Bosstalk- Don't give it to them.  Don't give them anything!  If word of it leaks out, this place'll be overrun with every lowlife with an eye for quick cash.  Let them get away and they'll use my daughter however they want and dump her out in the desert when they're done.
Sheriff- Drawing on past deeds, hmm?  Shinigami Bosstalk.
Bosstalk- Watch your mouth, Sheriff.  The only thing you concentrate on is getting my daughter out unharmed, hear?  I don't care how many other people have to die, just get her out alive an---!
Count Bosstalk cuts his bossy talk short as he abruptly finds himself looking at the unpleasant end of a pistol.  the Sheriff is looking at him, much less than pleased.
Sheriff- You don't give me orders. Clear?
Deputy- AH!!
everyone perks up, looking in the direction of the saloon.

-187-
Sheriff- Who the hell is THAT?!
a spiky-haired blond man in a shin-length red trench coat is blissfully dancing (badly) his way towards the saloon.  walkman headphones are stuck in his ears, the music playing through them audible several steps away from him.  ta-daaaa! it's Our Courageous Hero, and he's utterly clueless about what he's walking into.
Sheriff- It's DANGEROUS in there, dimwit!  Come back!!
Deputy- He's dancing on cloud nine, sir.  I don't think he heard you.
Sheriff- So the guy's a nut!  YO!! BLOCKHEAD!!  That saloon's been taken over by criminals!!
just as Vash performs a particularly twisty dance move, a gunshot rings out from the saloon.
Deputy- He's been shot!
Sheriff- Nah.  Warning shot.

-188-
undaunted… or more likely simply oblivious, Vash dances on.
Sheriff- ………?! He STILL hasn't noticed?!
BATAN.
Our Talented Hero shoves the swinging doors open with a flourish… and three guns are instantly pointed at three sides of his head. (….um, you guys on the side, if you fire, you'll kill each other too…. just thought I'd mention it.)
Bandit 1- Who the hell are you?
Bandit 2- Got a death wish or something?
Bandit 3- Or are you just plain stupid?

-189-
Our Fearless Hero flips up his round lenin sunglasses and pulls a headphone off one ear.  blowing a big bubble with some chewing gum, he finally takes a look around.
guys wearing kerchiefs over their faces+ guns + people tied up = Not A Good Thing.
Vash- WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!  BANDITS!!!  SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!
::Bandit 2- Looks like he's just plain stupid, boss.::
::Bearded Bandit Boss- Nothing plain about the fit he's throwing, though.::

-190-
a strong-lunged "HELP ME!!!!!" rings out across the deserted street.
Deputy- Six hostages.
he starts to scribble some more words on the note pad in his hand. the Sheriff holds up a finger, halting him.
Sheriff- The plan doesn't change.  There's just one more person who's gonna have a real bad day.

inside the saloon…
Vash- OWOWOWOWOWOWWWWIE!!!  Tie it a little looser, won't ya brother?!  I won't do anything, I promise!  Here, take my gun!
he's been in the saloon for going on two minutes and already all four bandits are completely fed up with him.  well, I did call him "talented", didn't I?  it takes skill to irk so many people so quick.  …I guess anyway.  Bandit 2 takes the proffered pistol, keeping an exasperated eye whimpering blond.
Bandit 2- For a total wuss, he's certainly packing a nice piece.
Vash- Give it back to me when you're done.  Please!
Bandit 1- Oh, shut yer hole!

-191-
from a little off to the side, a melodious voice speaks up, concerned.
Girl- Are you alright?
hung from the rafters by her wrists in a position that really should be insanely painful, if not utterly impossible, a pretty girl in a frilly, low-cut dress looks down at Our Infatuated Hero.  sensing immediate opportunity, he wiggle-worms his way over to the hanging girl, daring for a quick peek up her skirts.  my, my.  you sure can tell he's real nervous about being held hostage by four violent criminals, can't you.
unfortunately for Our Letch Hero, Bandit 3's boot connects solidly with his head, sending him face first into the floor.
Bandit 3- Sit STILL, fer chrissake. ::Good God, what a pain::
Vash- Nevermind that, the true lowlifes here are you guys.  This isn't the proper way to treat a lady!

-192-
Bandit 2- Lady?  Not this broad.  She's getting a lesson!
Girl- …They're after my family's money.  There's no way they'd hold up a dive like this otherwise.
Butler- My deepest apologies, Miss…
Vash starts, finally noticing another of the hostages.  it's kinda surprising that he hadn't noticed before, the guy is reeking depression like a just-begun funeral.
Butler- That I couldn't protect you from this evil is unforgivable!
…reality check, hon. there are four of them, armed, and only one of you, unarmed.  be glad they didn't kill you.
::Vash- uwa, depression overload::
but never mind the glooming old man, Vash suddenly comprehends something the girl said.
Vash- I see… So you're from a wealthy family then, Miss. ……Have you ever seriously considered marriage?
Girl- Yes, but not to a moron.
……-_-;;   well, I guess it was worth a shot.  anyway, getting back to that whole being held hostage by bandits situation here--
Girl- Anyway, keep going with your little plan if you want.  I shouldn't have to tell you it won't work, whatever it is.  But, if a little money's all you want, I'll ask Papa for you.

-193-
for somebody who's hung by her wrists from the ceiling and surrounded by four armed and potentially violent criminals strung high on adrenaline, that is NOT a line to say with such condescension, dearie.  actually, it does push one over the edge.  Bandit 2 has had enough of the attitude, letting out a roar and grabbing for his pistol.
Bandit 2- Dammit!
Bearded Bandit Boss- Jean, no!
aha. Bandit 2 gets a name.
Jean- I'll kill her!  I'm gonna kill her right now!
Bearded Bandit Boss- Enough Jean!  Don't!
he starts rushing towards the enraged man, but doesn't get there before Jean yanks a fistful of the Girl's hair and shoves his pistol into her mouth.
Butler- Miss!!

-194-
the Girl squinches her eyes shut, but otherwise does nothing.  probably the first smart thing she's done all day.
Jean- I'll do it!  I'm pulling the trigger right now!  Cry!  Scream, damn you!!
off to the side, a laden table starts to tip over, knocks into another nearby table, and both crash to the floor with a deafening clatter of falling wood and glass.  Jean's tight-strung attention is jerked over to the ruckus, and his tense finger pulls the trigger.  fortunately for the Girl, the Bearded Bandit Boss reacted quickly, clapping a hand onto the gun.

-195-
the hammer thocks uselessly into his thumb.  slinging his other arm around the spazzing Jean, he starts calming the other man.
Bearded Bandit Boss- Relax, Jean.  Cool it.
he slides a nasty glare over to the shaking Girl.
Bearded Bandit Boss- You shut your mouth from here on.  Open it again and I might be the one pulling the trigger.
something moves over where the tables fell.  Our Klutzy Hero pokes his head up from the mess, a plate hanging off his head and its contents dumped down his front.
Vash- Can we be a little more peaceful about this.  Please?

-196-
Bandit 1- You did that?!  Christ, you made me jump 3 feet straight up, bastard!
without further ado, Bandits 1 and 3 begin a thorough stomping of Our Poor Hero.
VashThey …request their reward up front, by the way. No cash, and your precious daughter means little more than a sand-roach to them.

- Sorry, sorry, sorry!!!
Jean, wits recovered, starts listening to the faint satellite news broadcast played over the radio.  the Bearded Bandit Boss finally lets go of the gun, but when he pulls his thumb away from the hammer, a long, sticky strand of gum is attached to it.
Bearded Bandit Boss- //thinking// ……gum?
he glances over at Vash, who's looking spectacularly wimpy while getting thoroughly trounced by the pair of Bandits.
Bearded Bandit Boss- //thinking// ……no way in hell.

-197-
outside the saloon, a goon squad of epic ugliness has gathered.  and I mean ugly with a capital UGH.  talk about falling from the Ugly Tree and hitting every Ugly Branch on the way down… hoo.
Bosstalk- You're using……these… to storm the place?  Are they reliable?
Sheriff- Oh they're a wonderful bunch.  Not only are they moderately skilled, they'd also off their own mamas for pocket change.  For this job, the lower the respect for human life, the better.  That makes them a perfect fit, don't you think?
a few minutes pass, and the Sheriff glances over at the saloon with a bit of an expectant look.
Sheriff- Alright.  Now we can start the party.

-198-
back inside, Jean perks up suddenly at something he hears over the radio.
Jean- What?!   Boss!
Bearded Bandit Boss- What?  Hear something interesting over the satellite?
Jean- Vash the Stampede!!  They said that Humanoid Typhoon is coming this way!  To this town even!  I bet he's been hired by Bosstalk or the Sheriff.  We're dead!
Bearded Bandit Boss- Don't let it rattle you.  Their "time" is almost up, after all.
Vash- Something's coming!
at some point, somebody wasn't looking, and Our Slippery Hero managed to wiggle his way over to the window.  that penchant of his for being where no one expects him to has not endeared him to the Bandits.
Bandits- Stay the hell PUT, damnit!!!

-199-
but Vash was right, something was coming.  engine thrumming loudly, a fat vehicle looking sorta like a Conestoga wagon , just made totally out of steel, rumbles up to the saloon.  the Deputy holds up a suitcase full of cash, showing off the contents then setting it on the side of the wagon.
Sherrif- One escape wagon.  $$40 thousand in non-consecutive bills.  That's all you wanted!  Now let the hostages go!

-200-
Bearded Bandit Boss- Not yet!  We're going to check the stuff first!  Don't even think about doing anything!
Bandit 1- I'll go.
Bearded Bandit Boss- Be careful.
silence wraps the whole town, Bandit 1 making his way slowly out to the wagon, which is parked a little distance from the saloon.  all the Bandits and all the hostages are closely watching his every move.  does the standoff end here…?
something flashes in the rear-view mirror, and Bandit 2 gets a look at it.  a face, and an ugly one at that.  he promptly turns and starts running back for the saloon.

-201-
Bandit 2- IT'S A TRAP!!!!!
unfortunately for the Bandits, the warning doesn't do much for them.  whoever's in the wagon's driver's seat kicks the thing into high gear and plows straight into the building.  Bandit 2, closest to the caroming car from the start, goes flying and lands in a sprawled heap, his neck twisted at an unnatural angle.
Bearded Bandit Boss- Marvin!  NOOOOOO!!!
…well, at least Bandit 2 gets a name as he dies.

-202-
Bandit 3 gets no such privilege.  who knows why he didn't dive for cover the second the goon squad starts pouring out the side of the wagon, but he didn't.  considering the goons came out strafing anything and everything, Bandit 3 ends up swiss-cheesed inside of 2 seconds.  no more living targets immediately present themselves, but that doesn't bother the goon squad, they're shooting just for the hell of it.  walls, chairs, people…same difference.  one strafe line starts running precariously close to the Girl, who is still hung by her wrists and un able to move.  diving in from the side, Our Valiant Hero comes to the rescue, swiftly cutting the rope--

-203-
--and rolling behind the counter.  the girl picks herself up slowly, shedding ropes.
Vash- You alright?
Girl- Yes. I think so…
then she gets a good look at her surroundings.  Jean lies nearby, missing almost the entire right side of his skull, taken off in two booming shots some time ago.  like a sensible girl, for once, she screams. 
that attracts the attention of the Bearded Bandit Boss, who also had the smart idea of getting behind something as solid as the counter.  unfortunately for him, he's the only one of his crew still alive.
Bearded Bandit Boss- You!

-204-
Vash jumps like a guilty kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, then makes a quick snatch at ropes and a rather pathetic attempt to re-tie himself.
Bearded Bandit Boss- Forget it.  You'd just untie yourself again when you needed to.  Who the hell are you anyway?  What were you thinking, diving into this mess?
Vash- Call me Vash the Stampede, and the only things I ever think of are love and peace!
the Girl puts a hand over her mouth, not quite believing.  the Bearded Bandit Boss is a little more vocal.
Bearded Bandit Boss- ….you… are him?
Eyebally Goon- Heya Mr. Bandit!  C'mon and stick your head out!  They said we could blow it off 'n I wanna see how far it'll fly!
oh yes, there is that small matter of a horde of mostly-insane uglies floating around, isn't there.
Vash- Keep an eye on her, would ya?
time to go to work.

-205-
whoops, there are other hostages around yet, too.  a mop-headed short goon with a lisp managed to spot the butler.
Mophead Lispy- H-h-h-hey. What ab-b-b-bout this 'un?
Eyebally Goon- You stupid or something?  Nobody said nothing about anyone other than the girl.
Mophead Lispy- Oh ye~~aah.  Goodie g-g-goodie.  I'm gonna k-k-kill 'im!
Vash- You guys have been Very.  Bad.  Boys!!
a large cask comes flying over the counter, soaring high up to the ceiling.  like obedient little lemmings, the goons all start shooting at it.  I guess "moving" = "target" somewhere in their little pea-brains.  it lands with a crash on the edge of a table… the same one that Bandit 1 put the Colt Longshot on who knows how long ago.  the sliver gun makes a pretty arc through the air, landing precisely in Vash's outstretched palm.
Vash- Didn't your mammas ever tell you you've gotta love your neighbors?
getting momentum from who knows where, Vash slides feet-first out from behind the counter.

 
-206-
the vast majority of the goon squad goes down in seconds, precisely shot in non-vital but yet debilitating (and undoubtedly very painful) places.  the Bearded Bandit Boss whistles, impressed.
getting back to the root of the whole problem, the Girl tries to reason with her captor.
Girl- Do you get it now?  Papa never intended on paying you!  All your friends are dead.  To keep going with this---
Bearded Bandit Boss- You know that huge graveyard to the northeast of here?  It's a wasteland even on this desert star.  Not even corpse-grass grows there.   ……It's where our Mas and Pas are buried.  I can't remember anything about them anymore; except how they looked as they worked, covered in dust.  But all that work, 10 years of it, paid off.  They made this land arable.  That's one hell of an accomplishment.

-207-
Bearded Bandit Boss- But then, 15 years ago, your dad came along and decided to take over.  His methods were simple-- kill everybody.
the girl stares, wide eyed and disbelieving.  you can bet that particular story isn't one her papa told much.
Girl- ……you're lying…
another goon comes barreling through the doorway.  …yes, there still was one left. not for long, though.  the Bearded Bandit Boss must have heard him coming or something, because he was waiting right by the doorframe, and shoots the goon in the gut at point blank range before the poor psycho can do anything about it.
Bearded Bandit Boss- What's the point of lying now?

-208-
Girl- So what are you going to do then?
Bearded Bandit Boss- End it.  I'm calling Bosstalk out in a duel.
Vash- ……so it's come down to that after all.
Bearded Bandit Boss- Yeah.  Taking off now'd be signing my own death warrant.

outside, Bosstalk strides forward, a slightly incredulous Sheriff watching.
Sheriff- You're accepting?
Bosstalk- He not only called me directly, he also has my daughter.  I have no choice.  Afterwards, I shall take my time in repaying you properly for all your mistakes.  Be sure your Will has been signed.
a dusty wind meanders down the street, the Bearded Bandit Boss facing off with Bosstalk for the first, and last, time.  the Girl is firmly kept at gunpoint.  Vash stands a little off to the side.

-209-
Vash- Would you let the girl go now?  She's no use as a hostage anymore.
Bearded Bandit Boss- True.  Sorry.
he doesn't look at her as she edges her way over to Vash.  his attention is on Bosstalk and nowhere else.  even Vash doesn't look down at her when she comes up, eyes on the impending shoot-out.  however, he does lean in, providing a warning couched in words of advice.
Vash- Don't look away. I should think you're not foolish enough to believe that you can keep living your life without knowing whose dreams were destroyed to make it.
silence descends, nothing moving.  it's almost as if someone hit the "pause" button on the cosmic remote.  Bosstalk and the Bearded Bandit Boss glare at each other as if they could will the other to keel over dead.  both wait tensely for something to shatter the stillness.

-210-
a crow, perched on the windmill, suddenly croaks and takes wing.  signal enough, the duelists draw and fire.  or perhaps both men moved on some sign only they saw, and the resulting gunblast startled the bird into flight.  but whatever the impetus, the result is blood flying in the noon sun, one man collapsing into the dirt.  the Girl stumbles over to her father, his dead eyes staring sightlessly at the sky.

-211-
tears drip quietly down the Girl's face as she huddles over Bosstalk.  she's not the only one crying, two distinct tear-tracks marking Our Sentimental Hero's face as well.
Vash- This was all so senseless. I hate having to watch people die.
Bearded Bandit Boss- //thinking// This guy really is crying, the wuss.
k-CHAK
uh-oh.  that sound is never the precursor of anything good.  this time stands as no exception.  deputies and others of the Sheriff's henchmen ring the two men, shotguns readied and aimed.
Sheriff- Well I'll be.  I never thought things would turn out so well.  Honestly, I'm truly surprised.  All I have to do is silence you two, and this whole town is mine.
…that makes me wonder what you just did to the girl.

-212-
Vash- I promise I won't tell a soul, so don't shoot me please.
the whiny excuse is there, but the whiny act isn't.  Our Tolerant Hero may be reaching the end of his patience with this town.
Sheriff- I don't think you understood me quite right.  I'm going to be very sure of your permanent silence. …drop your guns.
two pistols drop to the dirt.
Sherrif- Aaah.  A pair of toothless, stray mutts.  It feels so good to be top dog.
Vash raises a hand.
Vash- Question.  How does it feel, killing helpless people?
Sheriff- Do you ever feel anything when you burn your trash?
Vash- I see.  Good answer!!

-213-
BLAM
the Bearded Bandit Boss's eyes bug out as all the men surrounding him suddenly fall, shot neatly in shoulder or leg.  Vash stands next to him, all pretenses of the wishy-washy fool gone.

-214-
Bearded Bandit Boss- Holy shit, that was fast!  How many shots quick enough that I heard them as one!
flunkies taken care of, a not-pleased Vash stalks over to the Sheriff, who's frantically shuffling around for his own gun.  I guess he's used to having his underlings do everything for him.
Sheriff- So you had more that one gun in the first place!
finally, he finds it and draws, aiming for Vash's head.  unfortunately for him, Vash is faster.  his left hand has dropped down below his forearm, cranked back on a lever.  from the stump of his wrist points the gun's barrel, aimed right at the Sheriff's heart.  Our Pissed Hero pastes a nasty grin on his face.
Vash- How does it feel, Sheriff, being at the mercy of a stray mutt?

-215-
scared out of his mind now that he's actually directly in danger of dying, the Sheriff shrieks and pulls the trigger.  quicker than a politician with a handy lie, Vash dodges.  in the same second, he fires as well.  the Sheriff drops to his knees, clutching his ribs.
Vash- I didn't kill you.
the Sheriff's badge plinks to the ground, a mushroomed bullet making a big dent in it.
Vash- Repeat after me!

-216-
Vash- LOVE AND PEACE!!!!
Vash the Stampede. a man whose name means "out of control". a bare handful of hours after the event in that town, he became mankind's first designated "Localized Disaster".
Sheriff & Bearded Bandit Boss & Girl (yes, she's okay) -    -_-;;;;

Trigun Pilot Episode/ END

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